Ultimate Ninja Storm
by Lordoftheghostking28
Summary: Come one, come all! Who's the most feared ninja in the world? Fight your way to the top! The winner gets 10,000 ryo! This is an offer you can't refuse! Will the Akatsuki make a new plan to capture the Jinchuuriki? And will it actually work? Who knows. Details inside.
1. The Ninja Storm

**Ultimate Ninja Storm**

**XxXxXxXx**

**Prologue: In which a fighting tournament is set up to capture the Jinchuriki. Of course nothing can go wrong...can it?**

**Lots of characters, lots of bad puns, lots of action! What more do you want?**

**Rated M for (safety, mostly) language (mostly Hidan), action and really crappy jokes.**

**XxXxXxXx**

Deep in the evil Akatsuki lair, some serious scheming was going on.

"I've had an idea, un!" Deidara said loudly, slamming his hands on the table and causing his hand-mouths to bite their tongues.

"That's a surprise." Sasori mumbled under his breath.

Deidara ignored him and the pain in his hands. "I know how to catch the Jinchuuriki, yeah!"

"How? Nothing we do ever fuckin' succeeds." Hidan growled.

"We can host a tournament!" Deidara exclaimed. "With a cash prize to motivate them to join, un! And we can set up the battles so we always fight the Jinchuuriki, and therefore win!"

Everyone shook their heads. Deidara was still grinning broadly. "What do you think, Leader-sama?"

Pein stared coolly a him for a moment before speaking. "I like it."

"I'll get started with the preparations at once, yeah!" Deidara jumped up from the evil conference table and ran out.

"You can't be serious. We're not going to offer a cash prize to the winner." Kakuzu frowned, but no one could really tell.

**XxXxXxXx**

_Come one, come all!_

_Fight your way to the top! Prove that you're the strongest ninja in the land! For glory! For victory! For 10,000 ryo_!

_Join the Ninja Storm today_!

"What do you think, un?" Deidara asked.

"It's awful." Sasori said.

"I like it!" Tobi clapped gleefully.

"Great, I'll get these posted all over the place!" Deidara turned and headed out of the secret lair, struggling with the two armloads of posters.

**...**

"A fighting tournament?" Sakura asked, reading over the mysterious poster tacked onto the tree just outside the training grounds.

"Sounds awesome!" Naruto pointed. "And look! 10,000 ryo! I'll be rich!"

"You're not joining." Kakashi said.

"B...but Kakashi-Sensei...!" Naruto whined.

"I mean you're not joining without me." Kakashi said. "And we're splitting the money."

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered.

**...**

"A battle? I can win this, I'm sure!" Lee exclaimed.

"Of course you can!" Gai encouraged. "And I'm going to help! Who's sponsoring it?"

Lee squinted at the paper. "Um...some people called...the Ikustaka?"

"Sounds trustworthy!" Gai declared loudly.

**...**

"Hmmm...what's thisss? A fighting tournament? Maybe I can join too..." Orochimaru pondered. "And then I can claim the winner as my new apprentice..."

**...**

"The heck is this?" Suigetsu pulled a paper from a nearby tree. "Sasuke! We should join!"

Sasuke thought for a second before shrugging. "We have nothing else to do, I guess."

**XxXxXxXx**

**Up next: the battle preparations! What will happen? Who will fight? Who will succeed? Who will lose it all? Who is actually in character? Find out next time!**

**Remember to leave a review, please!**

**Hasta la Vista, readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28**


	2. Battle Preperations

**Chapter 2**

**XxXxXxXx**

"Hello, un! Welcome to the Ninja Storm!" Deidara declared. He was dressed in shinobi robes, as to not look suspicious. "I'm going to explain the rules a bit, yeah!"

"Why does that weird girl sound like a guy?" Someone asked.

Deidara frowned at two people in the front row. "Hey, I'm trying to talk."

Regaining his overly-cheerful smile again, he continued. "The rules are simple, un! We will assign you an opponent who we believe can match your skills! If you lose, you're out! You don't have to face your opponent alone, though! You can have up to two others join you for glory, un! The more, the merrier!"

"Aw yeah!" A hyper kid shouted.

"Shut up, Naruto!" Came a hiss.

"Un, everyone that wants to participate, please sign up with...uh...Kakuzu over there." Deidara waved a hand in Kakuzu's general direction. At once, a ninja stampede nearly ran him over.

"Why do you look like a girl?"

Deidara turned to see the kid from earlier. "I don't, un..."

"Yes, you do." The kid insisted.

"Hey, kid, do you like flowers?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah!"

"Go pick some." Deidara pointed to a bush, where Zetsu was hiding and probably pollinating something. The kid ran off. A satisfying chomping sound followed.

"Yum." Zetsu said.

Meanwhile, Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi were busy doing their own thing while waiting to sign up for the tournament.

"Sasuke come back to the village with me! PLEEAAASE!" Naruto begged.

"No." Sasuke said. "Let go of my shoe."

"I'LL GIVE YOU RAMEN!"

"He must really be desperate..." Kakashi sighed, reading his book. What a slow reader he was...

"Ew," Karin glared at Naruto. "He stinks." She took a bottle of perfume from her side pocket and sprayed a giant purple cloud at him.

"GAAAKK!" Naruto gagged.

"Problem solved." Karin walked away. Suigetsu laughed so hard he got hiccups and had to busy himself with drinking from his never-ending thermos to avoid Sasuke's glare to shut up.

While Naruto lay, curled and sobbing on the ground, Sakura and Kakashi pretended not to know him and struck up a conversation.

"So...what's this book about?" Sakura asked.

"Um...you can read it when you're older." Kakashi said with a straight face. Well, then again, half his face was covered. Wait...what if he wore that mask thing to hide his BLUSHING AS HE READ HIS NINJA PORNS OOOOHHH!

Sakura shrugged and gazed out among the sea of ninjas that wanted to fight. Among them was...

"Hinata?" Sakura blinked. "Really? You too?"

"W-why n-not?" Hinata asked. "I can f-fight too...!" She took notice of Naruto's suffering. "He smells p-pretty..."

"Aaarrgh...!" Naruto whined.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Next!" Kakuzu sighed. He was wearing a dumb hat and a cloak to make him fit in better with the crowd and he hated it.

A dude with outrageous silver hair dragging the Nine-Tails' jinchuuriki behind him approached the sign-up table. "Three for a team." He said.

"Names?" Kakuzu sighed again.

"Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura."

"Ok."

Kakashi dragged Naruto out of line, leaving behind a faint trace of perfume.

"Do I fucking smell lavender?" Hidan popped up beside Kakuzu. "I hate this shit."

"Go away." Kakuzu growled.

"Nah." Hidan wasn't wearing a shirt, just shorts. He flexed for all the girls waiting in line. One of them fainted.

"I will pay you a hundred ryo to go away." Kakuzu continued.

"When do I fight?"

"Never. Go away." Kakuzu punched Hidan away and into a tree. "Next!"

Meanwhile, sitting a long ways from the main group, Itachi and Kisame were sitting under a tree eating dango with a rather chubby ninja from the Hidden Leaf village.

"I love food." Choji said.

Itachi almost poked himself in the eye with the dango stick. "Me too."

Kisame glanced worriedly at his partner. "Itachi, are you sure you still want to fight?"

"Of course." Itachi replied.

"We can all be a team!" Choji exclaimed. "And then we can split the 10,000 ryo!"

"Maybe I'll buy a fish tank and fill it with lots of colourful fish...!" Kisame mused.

"The last time you did that Sasori made finger puppets from their corpses and Zetsu ate the remains." Itachi reminded him.

Kisame shuddered, trying to repress that memory.

"I'll use my share to buy food." Choji decided. "I'm always hungry."

"Maybe Itachi can finally get glasses or something." Kisame said loudly.

"It doesn't work like that." Itachi growled.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Senpai, do I get to fight too?" Tobi asked happily.

"Yes, un. You get to fight...uh..." Deidara hurriedly began to hunt through the papers he had set up dictating the matches. "...you get to fight Ino."

"Oh boy!" Tobi said gleefully. "Who's Ino?"

"Some girl from the Hidden Leaf Village that stole my style, yeah." Deidara glanced over the papers a bit more. "I guess it's time to start, un. Our first match is..."

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

**Who will fight first? Who will win the first round? Will Unlikely alliances form? Will likely alliances fail? Will Kakuzu actually part with his 10,000 ryo if there is a winner? Who knows! Find out next time!**

**Remember to review, please!**

**Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28**


	3. Who's Madara?

**CHAPTER 3**

**I just fricken realized I'm ripping off Naruto: Revolutions and I don't really care because I had the idea first before I got the game. I don't know. This story's dumb anyway.**

**XxXxXxXx**

"Our first match is... Orochimaru and Kabuto vs. Sasuke, Karin and Suigetsu."

"Oooh! I want front row seats!" Tobi ran off to get said seat.

"Save me one too, un!" Deidara called.

**XxXxXxXx**

Once everyone was at a safe distance, the battle began.

"Whooo! Go, Orochimaru!" Tobi cheered.

"Shut up." Deidara said.

The battle raged on, but because these guys are not the main characters, we will ignore them.

Deidara eventually got bored and left the battle site, pushing his way out of the crowd of screaming people as they cheered the battlers on.

"Senpaaaii!" Tobi whined. "Come baaaack!"

"No," Deidara said, quickly getting lost in the sea of people and hiding under Kakuzu's registration desk.

"What the hell?" Kakuzu jumped as something brushed his knee.

"Don't tell Tobi where I am, un." Deidara said.

"Sure, fine." Kakuzu scooted his chair back.

"That looked pretty fuckin' wrong at first." Hidan laughed.

Kakuzu threw a quarter at him. "Go away."

"WE HAVE A WINNER!" A voice cheered. The rest of the crowd cheered as well.

"THE WINNERS ARE SASUKE, KARIN AND SUIGETSU!" The crowd cheered harder.

"Well, I guess they'll advance to the next round, then..." Hidan shrugged.

"Who's in the next battle?" Kakuzu kicked the lump under the table.

"Ow! It's Tsunade vs. Gaara, Kankuro and Temari!" Deidara said.

**XxXxXxXx**

"Where's the food at?" Choji whined. "I've never been so hungry in my life!"

"You just had dango!" Kisame sighed.

"That was an appetizer!"

Itachi sighed. "When are we scheduled to battle?"

"I don't know." Kisame shrugged.

"I hope it's after we get snacks." Choji said happily.

After buying out an entire ramen stand, the three of them sat under another tree, watching the intense mob of people as the current battle unfolded. When half the audience was swept away by sand, they decided it was time to move a safe distance away.

"There's sand in my ramen!" Choji gasped. "It's ruined forever!"

More sand threatened to pelt the audience to death. Fortunately, Sasori stepped in and called the match a draw, saving the smaller crowd members from being buried.

"That was eventful." Kisame muttered.

"Do we fight yet?" Choji asked.

"I don't know. Kakuzu didn't bother to tell me the schedule." Itachi muttered. "He gave it to me and told me to read it, but I couldn't..."

"We need to get you some glasses." Choji decided. "Also, carrots are good for your eyes. And it's food!"

**XxXxXxXx**

"Our next battle is Tobi vs. Ino!" Hidan shouted at the crowd. He quickly moved out of the way of Tobi, who danced onto the battlefield.

"Hello yes I am Tobi!" Tobi announced.

Across the battlefield, Ino sighed loudly. "Is this really my opponent?"

Tobi's dancing came to a halt.

"Ugh, why am I here?" Ino continued.

Tobi took a few steps toward her.

"Who even are you, you creepy pumpkin face?" Ino flipped her hair in a show of sass. "Why should I even bother with you?"

Tobi dropped down on one knee and held up a slightly beaten up flower. "W-will Ino-senpai go out with T-Tobi?"

The crowd all sighed, "awwww!"

Ino blinked. "What? Go out with you?"

"Y-yes..."

The entire crowd held their breath, except Deidara. He just facepalmed and muttered quiet swears.

"Oh!" Ino pulled a bouquet of flowers from seeming out of nowhere. She threw them at Tobi...

...and Tobi was blown off the battlefield from the explosion.

"Pfff. Why would I go out with a loser like you?" Ino laughed.

"Uh...the winner is Ino...!" Hidan was laughing too hard to speak properly. "Oh, man! Tobi, you douchebag! You don't ask out your damn opponent!"

Meanwhile, a very bored Naruto poked the fallen Tobi with a stick. "Hey, are you still alive?"

A quiet sob sounded under the mask. "I...I love her so much..."

"Oh man, I know that feeling..." Naruto sighed. "Girls are weird."

"It's just...she was the one for me..." Tobi wailed.

Naruto patted his back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just...Tobi loved her..." Tobi started. He was soon confessing every secret he ever had to the kid, who just nodded understandingly despite looking incredibly confused.

"Who's Madara?" He finally asked. Before Tobi could respond, he added, "ah, nevermind. Do you feel better now?"

"Yes." Tobi hugged him.

"Ok good." Naruto said.

"Naruto! What are you doing over here?" Came a shout.

Naruto pushed Tobi away and faced Sakura. "Hi, Sakura!"

"Who's this?" Sakura asked.

"A lonely, rejected soul." Naruto said.

"Tobi likes turtles." Tobi said.

Meanwhile, again, Kakashi was doing some very important research.

"Hmm. Yes. Good." He said, reading a book. "Now I will pass my physics exam."

He shut the book and stood up from where he had been sitting under a tree. No new fights had been established yet, so he didn't really know what to do other than study. And where the heck did Naruto and Sakura go?

"Heeeeey! Kakashi-Senseiiiiii!"

Oh, there they are.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"Naruto was playing psychiatrist and I was coaching a younger shinobi on how to properly bandage a wound." Sakura said.

"Good for you." Kakashi nodded.

A loud shout sounded across the battlefield.

"Our next battle will be...Gaara, Kankuro and Temari VS Deidara, Sasori and Itachi!"

**XxXxXxXx**

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

**More crackfic on the way! If you have a battle you want to see played out, please tell me!**

**Remember to review!**

**Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

**Lordoftheghostking28**


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